


before you break my heart

by thestarsaretalking (orphan_account)



Category: Space Force (TV)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Flashbacks, M/M, but they're happy so it hurts even more, hope u are all in pain grin emoji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:28:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28059981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/thestarsaretalking
Summary: Tony breaks up with Chan, but they both have a hard time moving on.
Relationships: Chan Kaifang & F. Tony Scarapiducci, Chan Kaifang/F. Tony Scarapiducci
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	before you break my heart

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this as a sadness dump because as much as i love writing fluff, i gotta dump out all my angst somewhere haha

In every single romance movie, there’s always a moment where the couple is cuddling on the couch and one person says something that makes their partner think “Wow, this person is so perfect. I want to spend the rest of my life with them.” However, for F. Tony, the cuddling-on-the-couch moment made him reconsider his entire relationship with Chan.

At Chan’s apartment one evening, Chan and Tony were both watching a movie together on the couch. Tony had an arm around Chan’s shoulder and they were sharing a blanket. The lights in the living room were dim but glowed warmly, creating a familiar feeling of comfort. On the screen, there was a scene where a couple was moving into a house and Chan casually stated, “When we move in together, we definitely shouldn’t carry the boxes the way Joel and Trystan are carrying them. They’re not optimizing their strength at all.” 

Chan’s comment about their future together made Tony realize how serious their relationship was, and Tony hoped that Chan didn’t feel him stiffen in response. His relationship with Chan had been perfect but Tony was terrified of slipping up and ruining everything. He was used to quick relationships that burnt out quickly, and he had never considered that his relationship with Chan would lead to them settling down together for good. 

_ I’m not ready for this commitment _ , Tony thought to himself as he looked over at Chan, who, oblivious to Tony’s inner turmoil, still had a small smile on his face as he watched the movie. Tony’s crushing realization tortured him for days until he finally decided to end things before he could mess up yet another relationship. He knew for certain that if he ended his relationship with Chan early, then he wouldn’t have to experience the intense heartbreak he would go through if he held on and he could protect Chan from being hurt later on. 

So, three days after the couch-cuddling moment, as Chan and Tony were eating dinner together at Tony’s place, Tony decided to pull the plug. 

“I still can’t believe that Naird won’t believe I’m not a spy. I’ve been working for Space Force for, like, a year now, and he still won’t let me read important government documents. I always have to ask Mallory for them,” Chan complained as he twirled his spaghetti around his fork. Tony had barely touched the plate of spaghetti that Chan had lovingly made him but he prodded at the food with his fork, trying to feign interest despite him feeling sick about what he was about to do. 

Noting Tony’s silence, Chan frowned and asked, “Are you okay? Is the food not good?” 

“No, no, no. The food is great. I just…” Tony trailed off as he scrambled to find a smooth segue into what he had been waiting to say, but he ended up blurting out, “I think we should break up.” 

“Wait, are you serious? You’re joking, right?” Chan placed his fork down carefully and adjusted his glasses slowly. He seemed to be trying to process what Tony had just said but Tony could already see the fear in Chan’s eyes. 

Tony didn’t want to make eye contact as he spoke but he forced himself to look into Chan’s eyes as he responded, “Yeah, I’m serious. It’s just- it’ll be better for the both of us. I just don’t think this is gonna work out.” 

Chan fell completely silent and tension polluted the air in the dining room. After a few beats of the silence, Tony spoke again, his voice tentative as if he was terrified that his words would break Chan. “I’m sorry. I really am. It’s not your fault, I promise.” 

After wiping his mouth with a napkin, Chan stood up and pushed his chair in. He cleared his throat and Tony’s heart hurt when he saw that Chan was doing his best not to show any emotions. “I should go. See you tomorrow.” 

“Chan, listen, I-” Tony called after Chan only to be cut off by the sound of the door slamming as he left the apartment, and he sat alone at a table set for two. As much as he wanted to run after Chan and pour out all his fears and feelings, Tony stopped himself from doing so and, instead, took the unfinished meals to the kitchen, too stressed out to have room for dinner. 

That night, Tony barely slept, absolutely gripped by the horrible feeling of knowing that he had broken Chan’s heart. But at the end of the day, he made the right choice, right? 

~ 

It came as no surprise that work was awkward after Tony broke up with Chan. They hadn’t really publicly announced it but they avoided talking to each other at work and hoped that people would pick up on the clues. Angela caught on pretty quickly and offered to punch Tony’s nose in for Chan (as angry as he was that Tony broke up with him out of the blue, Chan politely declined her offer).

Seeing each other at work was painful for both of them. Tony avoided taking routes that required him to walk by the control center so he wouldn’t be tempted to peek through the glass to see Chan working at his desk.

The breakup was officially public when Tony and Chan, who were forced to be in the control center together, stood far apart and Naird pointed out their distance by obliviously demanding, “Why are you guys standing so far from each other? I thought you two are dating.” 

“We broke up,” Chan replied flatly. His co-workers in the control center all glanced back and forth between Tony and Chan as if they were trying to see if they would react at all but Chan’s expression remained stoic while Tony tried to look indifferent. 

“Oh, okay,” Naird nodded before mumbling to himself. “I’m glad that’s over now.”    
  


Hearing Naird’s words made Tony want to sock him in the face. He had always known that Naird could be cruel but he never thought that his boss would be celebrating the painful breakup of two of his co-workers. 

On the other hand, Chan’s boss, Mallory, was much more caring than Naird was about the breakup. Mallory could tell that Chan wanted to spend as little time as possible around F. Tony so he gave him a bunch of work to do in the lab, the one place Tony wasn’t ever really forced to go to, and Chan was thankful that the head scientist understood what he was going through. 

The breakup was equally as agonizing for both of the boys to endure. Chan was so used to making dinner for both him and Tony to eat so for the first couple of days after the breakup, he ended up packing dinner for his ex-boyfriend and dropping it off at his apartment doorstep with notes that clarified that he was only giving Tony dinner because he didn’t want him to starve.

When Chan and Tony were together, Chan was always the one to make dinner because Tony almost burned down the kitchen the one time he tried to make dinner for them. He loved cooking for Tony, and Chan was reminded of his absence every time he had to eat dinner alone. 

Once, when Chan was making dinner by himself, he recalled the one time he tried to teach Tony how to cook. 

_ “No, you have to turn the knob this way! You’re gonna set the kitchen on fire,” Chan laughed, reaching around Tony’s waist to twist the knob on the stovetop.  _

_ “Oh, so that’s how you turn the heat down! See, this is what happens when you let me go near dangerous things,” Tony teased as he placed his hand on the handle of the pan. “Now, what am I supposed to do with the vegetables?” _

_ “You toss them like this.” Chan placed a hand on top of Tony’s and guided his movements to carefully toss and swirl the vegetables around in the pan to make sure they were completely covered in oil. “Got it?”  _

_ “I think so.”  _

_ Chan let go of Tony’s hands, and Tony repeated the motion that Chan had guided him through. Tony’s eyes lit up when he realized that he had gotten the hang of sauteing vegetables. “Am I doing it? I think I’m doing it!”  _

_ Laughing at Tony’s enthusiasm, Chan nodded, “You’re doing it! I’m so proud of you.”  _

Thinking about that moment only made Chan miss Tony more and he tried to lock those memories away, determined not to be reminded of what he had lost. 

About a week after the breakup, Tony was searching his closet for a specific tie that he wanted to wear to an event he was forced to attend to promote Space Force’s upcoming launch. As he was digging through his closet, he found Chan’s green college hoodie at the bottom of his closet and he was hit with a sudden wave of nostalgia.

Chan left the hoodie at Tony’s house once when he was staying over and Tony hadn’t returned it because he never thought there would be a day where he wouldn’t have Chan in his life, which, in retrospect, was a naive assumption he made when he hadn’t let his fear of failure get the best of him. 

Chan’s hoodie still had his scent and when Tony closed his eyes and held the hoodie up to his face, he could almost pretend Chan was still next to him. Tony remembered the morning after Chan stayed over that one night.

_ “I don’t get why you put product in your hair,” Chan remarked as his fingers gently brushed Tony’s curls. They were both sitting in Tony’s bed in the cozy blankets, enjoying a lazy morning together. The sun was already shining through the windows in Tony’s bedroom, and it provided enough light for Tony to see all of Chan’s perfections. _

_ Tony pushed his black-rimmed glasses up as he leaned closer to Chan and pouted, “My curls are so messy. They don’t look that good.”  _

_ With a delicate touch, Chan tucked one of the curls behind Tony’s ear and commented, “I think they make you look cute. You should go to work with your natural hair.” _

_ “You’re just saying that because you’re my boyfriend,” Tony retorted, wrapping an arm around Chan’s waist and brought him closer.  _

_ “No, but my opinion might be a little biased because I love you,” Chan grinned and Tony pulled him into a kiss.  _

_ “I love you too.”  _

Tony’s tears welled up at the memory of that morning and he ended up falling asleep later that night with Chan’s hoodie in his arms, wishing that he could learn to let go instead of wishing he could get back what he had. 

After several weeks of holding in the pain, Chan was finally driven to confront Tony because he just couldn’t seem to escape all the memories he had made with him.

Chan’s breaking point was the evening that he was driving home and playing songs from his music library on shuffle. He was having a great time listening to his favorite songs until “Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl)” by Looking Glass started playing out of the blue and he was thrown back into the memory of Tony introducing him to the song. 

_ “What song is this?” Chan asked as an unfamiliar song started playing from the Bluetooth speaker in Tony’s living room. They were both cuddling on the couch and listening to Tony’s music on shuffle.  _

_ Tony raised his eyebrows in surprise and glanced over at his boyfriend. “You’ve never heard of this song before? It’s, like, really old but it’s a classic! You have to dance to this song with me.”  _

_ “Dance? I’m not going to-” Chan’s protests were interrupted as Tony pulled him off the couch. Chan had no idea what to do with his hands but Tony placed an arm on Chan’s back and held onto Chan’s right hand.  _ _  
  
_

_ “Put your other hand on my shoulder,” Tony instructed and Chan complied, a small smile spreading across his face. As unwilling as he was to dance, Tony had been the only person who had helped Chan get out of his comfort zone, and Chan always gave in to trying new things if it meant that he could make Tony happy. “Now, follow my lead.”  _ _  
  
_

_ “I’m gonna step on your feet,” Chan laughed as he tried to mimic Tony’s movements. In the background, the music continued to play and Chan tried to sync his steps to the beat of the song.  _

_ “No, you’re not! You’re doing great,” Tony reassured encouragingly, nodding his head along with the beat. His grin widened as he sang along, “Brandy, you’re a fine girl, what a good wife you would be. But my life, my lover, my lady is the sea.”  _

_ As the song faded out, Chan, who found that he enjoyed dancing more than he expected, requested, “Can we play that song again? I actually really enjoyed dancing to it.”  _

_ “Of course! We can play it as many times as you want,” Tony ecstatically replied before briefly letting go of Chan to press the repeat button.  _

_ The couple ended up dancing to the song all night, and Tony had even spun and dipped Chan, adding more variations to their dance each time the song repeated. And that night, quite honestly, was the happiest Chan had ever been.  _

Chan punched the off button on his radio and wiped away the tears that had started streaming down his cheeks. His remorseful longing turned into frustration that motivated him to drive to Tony’s apartment one evening.

Initially, Chan had been prepared to storm into Tony’s apartment and demand answers as to why Tony had decided to break up with him out of the blue. He was sick of feeling weighed down by his misery and hoped that if he cleared the situation up, maybe he would stop wishing that he could still be with Tony and finally move on. 

_ Closure. That’s what I need.  _ Chan thought to himself as he parked his car and 

A few moments after Chan knocked on Tony’s apartment door, Tony opened the door and Chan nervously smiled, his intense emotions fading away the moment he saw his ex-boyfriend. “Hey, can I come in?” 

Tony sucked in a sharp breath and offered an apologetic look. “Uh, actually, I’m on a date. I have somebody over for dinner. Sorry.” 

Chan’s already broken heart crumbled into ashes, but Chan tried not to let his heartbreak show in his voice as he replied, “Oh, that’s okay. Good luck with your date.” 

As much as it hurt Chan to know that Tony was moving on so quickly (Tony had been the one to initiate the breakup, so Chan shouldn’t have been surprised that he was already seeing other people), he knew that he and Tony were over for good. So, he sucked up his shattered pride and talked to Tony at work the day after. 

“Hey, how did the date go?” 

Tony glanced up from his phone, surprised to see that Chan was voluntarily talking to him after they had been pointedly avoiding each other at work after their separation. 

Tony forced a smile and lied, “Oh, it was good. I had a good time.” 

Truth be told, the date hadn’t gone as well as Tony wanted it to go. His friend had been the one to set him up on a date with some guy who worked in the tech industry. The guy was sweet but he kept talking about his engineering degree and Tony struggled not to fall asleep during the date. Even worse, Tony found himself thinking about Chan and how he would never fail to make Tony laugh during dinner. 

Tony had gone on that date in an attempt to move on from Chan, but if anything, the date made him realize that he still hadn’t gotten over his ex-boyfriend

“Good. That’s good to hear.” Chan simply nodded before walking away. He managed to keep himself composed despite the inner turmoil he was experiencing, but Angela was able to see through his guise of stability. 

Later that day, when Chan and Angela were having lunch together in the cafeteria, Angela brought up the topic of F. Tony. She had been avoiding talking about Chan’s ex because she knew that was probably the last topic he wanted to talk about, but she couldn’t stand to see him miserable for any longer.

“You know you’re going to have to move on sooner or later, right? I know you’re upset about Tony going on that date but he’s moving on and you should too,” Angela suggested, nudging Chan with her shoulder. 

Chan sighed and stared forlornly at his lunch before he replied, “I don’t know if I can. I just loved him so much. I still do.” 

Hearing the sorrow in her best friend’s voice made Angela instinctively frown, and she wrapped her arms around Chan, giving him a warm hug. She could tell Chan was smiling when he jokingly complained, “Stop being nice to me. It’s weird.” 

“Got it. I’ll go back to bullying you then,” Angela let go of Chan and gave him an encouraging smile. 

~

Angela’s advice popped into Chan’s mind when one of the new Space Force interns started flirting with him. 

Space Force had recently launched an intern program to hire interns to help run operations at the base, and Chan and Brad, as Mallory’s and Naird’s number twos respectively, had to oversee the interns to make sure they wouldn’t accidentally leak any important government information. Lunchtime was the only time Chan had a break from dealing with clueless interns, so he wasn’t too stoked to see one of the interns walking over to him. 

“Hey, Dr. Chan, right? I’m Aidan. Correct me if I’m wrong but I believe you’re the scientist who helped land that rover on the moon a few weeks ago. It was impressive,” greeted the intern as he took a seat across from Chan. He had Robert Pattinson-esque hair and confidence and masculinity seemed to radiate off his body, and Chan had no clue why Aidan had come to talk to him.

Chan cluelessly asked, “That’s right. Did you come over here to talk to me about it?” 

“Actually, I came over here hoping to learn more about you, but if talking about rovers and space is your way of telling me more about yourself, I’m cool with that,” Aidan flashed a charming grin at Chan, and the scientist immediately knew this intern was trying to hit on him.

As wrong as it felt, Chan decided to reciprocate because he had a perfect opportunity to meet somebody new and finally move on. He smiled sweetly and suggested, “Well, if you want to know more about me, it’s only fair that I get to know you too. Are you free tonight?” 

“You bet,” Aidan leaned a little closer, and just as he was about to talk Chan up some more, F. Tony stormed over to their table. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be doing your work, intern?” F. Tony flashed daggers at Aidan, who wilted a little, clearly intimidated by the pissed-off social media manager. 

“Sorry, I’ll get back to work,” Aidan apologized before turning towards Chan and winking. “See you around.” 

Looking proud of himself, Tony proudly nodded as he watched Aidan walk away. Chan waited until the intern was out of earshot to drop his false expression of serenity that collapsed into a deep frown. He stood up, grabbed Tony by the arm, and dragged him outside the cafeteria to chew him out in private.    
  


“What the hell, man? You don’t see me ruining your chances with other people. You can’t just come over here and mess things up for me.” Chan crossed his arms and let his emotions take the reins. “Plus, you never even explained to me why we broke up so I think I at least deserve an explanation if you’re gonna try to stop me from moving on.” 

Silence hung in the humid Colorado air for a moment and Chan could tell that Tony could hear the pent-up suffering and frustration in his voice. Tony sighed and looked down at his shoes to avoid making eye contact as he explained, “I broke up with you because I got scared. We were getting so serious, and I was just really scared of messing up and hurting you. I’m sorry.” 

“That’s why you broke up with me? You could’ve told me that you were worried about this instead of breaking up with me and making the last month a living hell.” 

Tony hung his head ashamedly and replied, “I know, I know. I should’ve said something. I’m really sorry. I was just so scared and…”    
  


As he trailed off, Tony bit his bottom lip, feeling guilty for not communicating and making the wrong choice. Chan’s furious expression melted into one of sympathy, and Chan hugged Tony. 

“It’s okay. I know it’s hard for you to deal with your worries, but just tell me next time, okay? I love you and I’m never gonna get mad at you for feeling insecure,” Chan reassured as he patted Tony on the back soothingly. 

“Will you give me another chance? I promise I’ll try to do better this time.” Tony’s voice cracked as he struggled to hold back sobs. He was so grateful that Chan was much more understanding than he had expected.

“Of course, I will. Just let me know before you break my heart again, okay?” Chan lightheartedly asked, hugging Tony a little tighter. 

Tony chuckled, thankful to have Chan return to his usual humorous self. “I promise.” 

**Author's Note:**

> pls leave a comment or a kudo on your way out! :D


End file.
